#5 “Sick Days”

When the weekend’s a washout, it’s always nice to fake a cough on the phone and stay home during the week. This method tends to work best if it’s the time of year when the fish are especially active and you can guarantee a good day on the water. Most bosses can detect the common fake cough and stuffy nose. This is why I add a little pizzazz to my call-in. It is critical that you call as soon as you wake up so that you still have that raspy voice. Next, stuff a tissue up one nostril to give you a little wheeze. Now, for the knock out punch. Start listing all these horrible but believable symptoms. My favorites are diarrhea and vomiting. People don’t want to hear about you sleeping on the bathroom floor, hugging the toilet all night. Be sure to throw in the phrase “coming out both ends”. For some reason, I've never met anybody who can handle that one. Always speak slowly and swallow a lot so it sounds like you’re trying to hold back long enough to make the call. Before you know it, your boss will be begging you to stay home. And, even if the bite is off, remember, a bad day fishing beats a good day at work.