#5 “Sick Days”

When the weekend’s a washout, it’s always nice to fake a cough on the phone and stay home during the week. This method tends to work best if it’s the time of year when the fish are especially active and you can guarantee a good day on the water. Most bosses can detect the common fake cough and stuffy nose. This is why I add a little pizzazz to my call-in. It is critical that you call as soon as you wake up so that you still have that raspy voice. Next, stuff a tissue up one nostril to give you a little wheeze. Now, for the knock out punch. Start listing all these horrible but believable symptoms. My favorites are diarrhea and vomiting. People don’t want to hear about you sleeping on the bathroom floor, hugging the toilet all night. Be sure to throw in the phrase “coming out both ends”. For some reason, I've never met anybody who can handle that one. Always speak slowly and swallow a lot so it sounds like you’re trying to hold back long enough to make the call. Before you know it, your boss will be begging you to stay home. And, even if the bite is off, remember, a bad day fishing beats a good day at work.

#4 Sleeping On The Boat

There are few more relaxing moments than that which encompasses a light breeze, a slowly rocking boat and the soft sound of rippling water rolling into the bow. Any seasoned fisherman knows fishing is as much about catching fish as it is about enjoying the day. A little nap never hurt anyone. So sit back, relax and savor the feeling of not being at work.

#3 Pretending You’re Not Snagged In A Tree

It was the best cast ever but that damn tree was in the way. We tell ourselves we can squeeze that 7 inch worm on a ¾ ounce shakey head jig into a hole between the branches that the sunlight can’t even leak through. That would be the perfect spot. That’s where all the fish are. But, you know what they say – fish don’t live in trees.

After the line wraps securely around the first tiny twig it hits, the jig then searches out the fattest branch it can find and buries its hook deeply into it. At this point we survey the mess from a distance and decide in which direction we are going to frantically pull on the line. A yank to the left…no. A jerk to the right…no. Hmm I probably have too much slack out. So we reel in a little and try it again, all the while our fishing buddies laugh and hurl their untangled lines into tight little targets amongst the brush and cattails.

It must be the stubbornness of a fisherman that leads us to continue pulling on the line even when we can visibly see the hook digging deeper and deeper into the flesh of the tree. Eventually, we always let out an aggravated and exhausted *huff*, turn to our fishing buddies and utter the phrase that we’ve been dreading to say, “Hey, could you turn the boat around? I think I might be snagged.”

#2 New Lure Colors

A wise worm harness manufacturer once told me, “To sell lures, you need to catch fishermen first.” I know I’m always rummaging through the bins and searching the shelves of the local sporting goods store looking for that one thing I’ve never seen before. No matter how old school and set in your ways you think you are, no fisherman can resist the tempting glow of a lure package labeled “New Color”. What does it do? What will it attract? How cool will it look in my tackle box? I swear I have a few dozen of those laying around, unopened of course. By the time I actually use them, I’m sure a new color will hit the shelves that I’ll have to have.

#1 Talking About Waking Up Early

We’ve all been out with our fishing buddies on a Friday night, discussing the next time we can hit the water. Inevitably, someone will say “Let’s get up a 5 tomorrow morning and go down to (insert favorite fishing spot) before anyone else gets there. We can fish for 7 hours and still be back in time for (insert whatever you had to do that afternoon).” All the intention is there. At that point, I’ll usually set my phone alarm so I don’t forget when I get home. Later on, I’ll stumble around the house, half asleep, and pack up the truck at 1am. Then I’ll hit the pillow.

At 8am, my phone will ring and a rough, groggy voice on the other end will say “Hey, you awake?” *cough* “What time is it?” *cough* “Like….8.” “Ok, I’ll be over in a little bit.”

Then, there are the days when I jump out of bed, ready to greet the sun, and am tying up for my first cast by 6am. But, for the most part, it’s the prior. For some reason, the want is always there even though I know my body and my brain are checked out for the next 12 hours. I think it is the fisherman’s constant desire and need to fish. We will fish in the rain, in giant waves, in the middle of January with gale force icy winds…so, what’s getting up a couple hours early?

We will take any opportunity to put a line in the water, even if that means sleep deprivation. Now, with a new born at home, I still find myself making these plans late on a Friday night, knowing full well that I will be getting in a solid hour and a half of sleep. So, to all the late night big talkers and early morning dreamers, hopefully, sometimes, the fish sleep in too.